Happy 2010!

Ah what do we know, only two more years till we all die! Just kidding...

This post will be brief as I'm currently folding my laundry. I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year, stick or attempt to meet your resolutions (I didn't even bother with one, lists don't work for me well). I will unfortunately spend my new year with my little beserk cousin- babysitting. I have some movies planned for the rest of night, and champagne ready for the midnight toast.

The Pursuit of Pleasure.

I've come to the conclusion that I am a hedonist.

Granola Bars;
I swear nothing fulfills me like eating one of those badboys. I must have had about 15 chewy caramel Granola Bars as early as Monday to get all the way to ZERO yesterday evening. You know how Edward Cullen said that running is second nature to him, eating a Granola Bar is second nature to me. I go to the kitchen and I don't even realize I've eaten a piece of bliss until I look at the empty wrapper. There is a certain routine to my Granola Bar eating habits, I get up (usually during a reading session or being a computer whore session) and automatically reach for a granola bar that resides at the cupboard that's on the top of my stove (I should have a mini bicep right now). Sometimes I don't even intend to eat a Granola Bar when I go to the kitchen, but then I look at the milk in the fridge, and it's literally imploring me to go find its suitable partner ( I will keep making it a proper noun, it's that important). Now you're probably wondering "what's so special about the mofo's?", well it's basically a chocolate bar, with peanuts and like a coat of something smooth and Caramel - it's imperative that I mention that. Everyone loves chocolate, it's one those essential pleasures of life. But a Granola Bar gives you much more than a chocolate bar, it's fucking innovative. You get less carbs than you would if you were eating a chocolate bar, a miraculous crunch in your mouth, and caramel- or whatever flavor that floats your boat. I'm partial to eating it with a glass of milk, but with the absence thereof is just as fine. My high school at the moment is accommodating  my hedonistic ways by offering me a Granola Bar everyday! It simply amazes me. I wonder who invented the first Granola Bar, I even eat Granola cereal; the Kellog's Vanilla thing is awesome. So do yourselves a favor and go seek pleasure (not that kind...), unless you're like lactose intolerant, allergic to peanuts, I know life sucks. Or...

You were so dope.

Yes love, love your fucking attitude

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

There's a thought that's been like a damn itch in the back of my mind it has been demanding my most immediate attention (by immediate I mean thinking about it). It happens to be post-secondary school, as much as I am constantly reminded that I still have time ahead of me to test my likes, and broaden my range of career choices, I feel quite contrary. Quite frankly, I feel overwhelmed and this issue is getting much colossal by the day, and I was thinking about it even more when my friend harmlessly asked me "what is your dream job?". Who would have freaking thought that I was pondering over that question like she just asked me if I'd like to kiss that guy in Dundas street that knowingly creeps out out people with his downright redundant ejaculation of the word "Jesus". But that's how it felt, like I wish to be so many things, I mean who doesn't want some adventurous and non tame career in their life. But how often do these people achieve such dreams? How do you even go about capturing those ultimate self-fulfilling jobs- that's really the puzzling question, you take some courses in high school then BAM! You're suddenly ready to embark in one path? I think not. I can summon some raw determination when called for, but determination goes in hand with a goal, what's my future goal? After my friend asked me the cringe worthy question, I had four farsighted plans for my future, but I will share two since the other two are more of a fancy of mine. I'm partial to the unmentioned ones.
1. The Philanthropist:
She has a slightly peaceful smile tugging at her lips after one particularly successful day of feeding "developing countries" children. She pulls at her cap which is shading her from the blistering sun that envelopes the city of Quito, her pants are army colored and suitable for a long day of labor with the humble families that live in the nearby hamlet. She is deep thought, thinking that she seriously needs to talk to her colleagues about building a mineral water plant to lessen the spread of the new influenza. After all, unclean and unfiltered water is the cause of the recent plague. - sigh I can't let go of the idealist in me.

2. Family Attorney;
Walks in her living room where she finds her husband idly perusing through today's paper, then kicks off her heels and drops dramatically on the couch.
"Well wasn't that one heck of hearing? Thought Judge Simmons was just about to hold me in contempt of his damn court for emphasizing a little too hard the lack of maternal instincts that our impetuous Ms. Robbs has. Seriously the lady has but an ounce of affection for that boy, why she insists on stripping the father of his visiting rights is quite beyond me." Releases a frustrated breath.
"Honey don't stress about it too much if you don't want to brew a 10 o'clock headache"
" Wish it was that easy, but if you were there to see the look on that boys face... It was certainly shattering, he had precocious eyes, nothing that fit too well with his mere 14 years. He looked too stoic during the whole hearing, like this tongue lashing between her parents was too familiar to fluster him "
"Hmm, boy probably had to grow up too soon" Her husband replied nonchalantly.
"Well, I'm going to work my damnest to get that father what his title in that boys life entitles him to. He sure seemed more inclined to play his role than that woman. Heartless wench she was"
Husbands sighs, and thinks all these speeches and constant bad moods of his wife are too regular.
"Be a doll and massage the tension out my shoulders, this case is wearing me down physically."

- Well aren't my perceptions flawed..

I find that the most baffling thing about a blog post is creating its title, can't settle for a precise name for jumbled thoughts. So this post is going to be title-less. Because really, I'm reflecting on a lot of things here.

Naked Lunch,

it's not just an interesting title for a book, or a witty phrase that has us puzzling over its meaning. Naked Lunch is a way of life- a bitter, abject and dire way of living. It's looking at the very end of your fork and finding it empty, glistening silver with its clearness. But not the good kind of clear, it's the clarity that gets you in the gut, has you replaying your life and searching for the precise moment where things got beyond your control. It is to look for meaning in life and coming up short, or even worse; shockingly meaningless. Trying to salvage what's left on that empty spoon- impossible. It's naked, empty, and dry. Now that's a bitter taste for you.

Lately this shoe has been fitting.

Jesus day.

Christmas Dialogue:

"Hey, Merry Christmas, I got you something."
"Oh yeah? I got you something too, and Merry Christmas to you too."
Opens gift : " Ah thanks, that's nice"
"You're welcome"
"Well I guess we eat now."

- That was how flat my Christmas was, I thought it was too much of a waste to spend a rare free day at home, so I got in car with my cousins and went to catch a movie: Avatar.
It was absolutely amazing. It was visionary, original, and I guess some could call it futuristic.I felt as if I was being traversed into this surreal world where the soul comes in contact with life, in it's purest form. Breathing, touching, and connecting with all living organisms, like everything is interconnected. I won't tell you about the plot, movie reviews are suitable enough for that.
The movie was beautifully made and worth those 14.50 cents, oh, I did I mention that I will be seeing it again tomorrow?

In The Air Tonight

What can I say,
I like well spoken words.

"Poem"

-experiencing with  the peculiar.

You are a taunting apparition,

an evanescent image

bobbing your head, steadily, like a pendulum.

The mirror is the canvas on which you paint your sorrow and your wrath.

It all helps for one fleeting moment, until viscera deserts me.

There is a place where a fraction of the ones like me are confined to,

they knock their heads profusely on unyielding bars.

A wound – shallow, winks at the reluctant spectators;

like the indention of a precisely thrown scalpel.

You think me alarmed by a pair of puffy eyes or moved by the sobs

of restless graves.

But I, I can pick the shovel, with erect fingers and dig the damp earth to caress your skeletal cheeks

then take methodical steps back to that complicated life.

You shun my touch–a touch that will never reach the vestige of you;

I’m seldom surprised.

My words at the place where we uttered our ultimatums were faultless,

accepted with a sad nod of heads.

But then your mother sobered and exclaimed;

“You fucking psycho”.

Heads snapped upward, looking from side to side feeling embarrassed for your mother

I stood, unblinking; she wrapped frail arms around herself

and inhaled fresh gulps of dignity.

I apologize for men that rip petals from gentian violets,

I apologize for men like me.

But I, I’m truly not sorry.

- DjPrecise

The world needs mutiple rounds of laughter- Doctrine's of DjPrecise

Why not share it?

This past weekend was very Hollywood productive.I left everything that demanded my attention at the side, and had a movie splurge.
I finally got to see A Clockwork Orange, this movie was freaking awesome. A bit on the slightly disturbing side and all, but if you can handle a bit of Ultra-Violence then you should be good kid. I also saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- Awesome! My favorite character happened to be Chief, not only was he mute but he was also deaf, and huge, and native..and DEAF.. There's nothing better than being able to relate to what you watch. What more do I want?.. There was also this old man that only did ballroom dancing, regardless of what you asked him.. He'd dance it off. Whatta Guy.

OH! I was forget some imperative information here, well thoughts really. Jacob Black is sexy. Yeah, he is, and if you said otherwise.. You are a hater. I had the pleasure of watching him shirtless on the full screen, followed by some Oo's and Ah's and Woah's.

I hate this

I've got so much on my mind at the moment, it's quarter to 3am. My thoughts are depriving me of sleep. On a side note, I didn't freaking get to watch New Moon today, all the damn tickets were sold :(

Some recommendations;

Well, I think of myself as very ordinary person when it comes to the things I do on a regular basis; school, home, sleep. However, I do have an avid habit for reading, hence, I will now start posting book recommendations as often as I can.

1. A Separate Peace - John Knowles

It's a book that's more than faintly realistic. It deals with the story of two boys, Gene and Phineas, at the midst of World War 2. While Gene is the brains of the school, Phineas is the star athlete that shines with people, it's his ultimate talent. He has a poetic approach at most of the good things in life and is extremely loyal to any commitments that he sets himself for. The book is riveting from start to finish, it deals with my personal favorite type of conflict; character against self. When Gene commits a sheer act of violence and honestly evil against his only true friend, his life is forever changed. The book is unique for it's characters, and craft of writing.The end is a WTF moment, at least for me it was. It's my favorite at the moment, but then again I'm finding that most of everything that I read becomes my favorite book.

2. Anna Karenina- Leo Tolstoy

This was a book recommended to me by one of the characters from a different a book I read ( that may sound a bit crazy, I know). I actually just started reading it yesterday, and it's very witty. It's about a beautiful woman, Anna, that has to deal with the ideals set out by society in 19th century of how a married woman or any woman at all should conduct themselves. It's about conformity, love, and it's really funny! I have a couple hundred pages to go hahah.

I'm stressed out

and it's not a good feeling at all. I have a lot on my mind these days, school related, and personal life. I'm disappointed at myself in regards to how I handled some stuff. Sigh, things will get better..

Half truths

I've learned to deal with it, to put it behind me.. I'm glad I'm the way I am because a different person might have taken it harder. However, I have a talent for or it could be my ultimate fall for ignoring (maybe I need a better word there) unpleasant things. Really, unpleasant things.

By the way today was great. I met nice people that care; my favorite type of people.

I need a moment to deliberate.

Some things have come to my attention over the past few days,
you know those types of thoughts that you try to evade as much as possible.
But they are there, popping up at inconvenient times, worrying you.
I have obscure feelings when it comes to these big thoughts, that require big decisions and critical deliberation. I'll consider making a pros and cons list one of these days. It's getting necessary.
I won't bore you with details.

Goodnight.

This made me laugh

these 14 lines may not mean much to you
However, believe that these words are sincere
Please lift your chin, and be happy my dear.
It seems that i have nothing better to do
than to write a sonnet and send it to you
Instead of whispering in your ear
I would rather anounce loud and clear
that cayma i could take a cue
from the manner in which you live
Cayma this poem is taking long

thats the beginning of your sonnett
i shan't finish the rest, its too much of a test
- Author remains anonymous

Co-dependence

Last poem on anything drug related.

Co-dependenence

I was hesitant to take your trembling and pale hands in mine,
not quite sure of my stand in your new beginning.
Not quite sure if you’d take lightly to the sky that held a promise of turbulent clouds;
reflective of your old days.
Your cheeks are sunken from the tablets that drained the life out of them;
you used to call them The Elixir of Life like The Alchemist; I remember you loved that book.
I remember how much you loved life, before The Fall.
I felt your pulse quicken with apprehension as the knowledge of our co- dependence dawned on you,
the muscles of your arms tautened and then you looked at me;
a telling stare, I visibly relaxed because I had faith in your eyes
your eyes, with so much depth, and small glitter.
I thought:
“this is familiar to me, I could work with this”
and so I gave you a small smile, like the ones we shared in our innocence,
and you pursed your lips a bit, but that’s okay,
I can only ask for so much.
Our steps were calculated, almost philosophical in their languidness.
I remember thinking about how solid the ground was, that that was going to be us
allied in our co- dependence.
And today, here I sit, waiting for you to exhale.
You see, sometimes I get cold- feet, because I depend on the breaths you take, on your sobriety
Don’t relapse Carris, because I have faith in your eyes,
and we are co-dependent.

- C.M

I think it's Amazing.

Drunk as Drunk

Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.

Pinned by the sun between solstice

And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.

Pablo Neruda 

- This piece of writing is absolutely amazing. From the point where he mentioned the eyelids being sticky, and their longing for lime; I began to slowly smile. 

It's a poem.

The Masochist

I can feel his yearning for complete control,
The type that will make me run purely on sense,
Frenzied I will be, haunted with images of inanimate limbs,
My body welcomes the adrenaline.
My twitching fingers try to grasp the intangible;
Oblivion.
My better half attempts to revive himself,
"Do not yield, Do not yield!" He screams.
How do I do it?
I shot myself with uncanny precision,
With the rarest of bullets,
It penetrates me,
It excites me,
Keeps me on a constant climax.
This is the other side of Eden,
What I live for, what I will inevitably die for.
"Addict" is merely an euphemism for my type of people.
One dose, two doses, three doses,
It's never enough.
For I still see her eyes,
Like a gamut,  her expression is variety of sorrowful notes,
Something is not right.
My better half attempts to revive himself,
"Do not yield, Do not yield!" He screams.

-DjPrecise

I like.

Out of the huts of history's shame - I rise


Up from a past that's rooted in pain - I rise

Maya Angelou

Newbie's blogging syndrome.

You want to know the main reason I created a blog?
Regardless, I'll tell you.  


       Well, yester-evening was a very sad, and happy day. The pages of my little red and gold book are literally all filled to capacity, so I needed some personal/impersonal writing space. A blog seemed adequate enough for that. I'm going to miss that book, I got it as a gift from my kimchi best friend and my Jewish flower on my 16th birthday, there are memories of splendid moments associated with the stories I brought to life between torrents of words. I really enjoy writing about the things I read, whether it's that quote that sums my life pretty impressively or societal issues. Sometimes just lyrically appealing sentences, like the ones in Bronte's Wuthering Heights and Wilde's Dorian Gray, oh, also brief reflections.
       I'm currently with Neusa (one of my world's favourite people) and she feels like I'm not giving her enough attention, which thus leads her to go on with her eloquent complaints about life. She claims one day she'll disappear from our lives (ours being subjective), like James from Sandra Brown's 22 Indigo Place; only she will not return. We keep each other young. Incedently the woman just put on Pride and Prejudice because she knows that's bound to get my attention. I've seen the movie about 10 times. Every time I always wonder at what exactly is Lizzie's mom so peacefully grinning at, when they show a cow and do a close-up on his balls... I mean if that's what she's eyeballing;  the woman is quite perverted for an 18th century maiden. I'd be delighted to meet her acquaintance.

You Have Bewitched Me, Body and Soul, and I Love, I Love, I Love You. I Never Wish to be Parted from You from This Day On- Mr. Darcy

That's it for today.

Why...

I just came back from downstairs,
went to do my eyebrows.. I have a story, here it goes.
As I was walking towards my building I happened to stop because the weather is really tame today, and I just wanted to take the time to love it a bit more.
So, I turn around to open the door to my lobby.. and there he was.
There was man fully relaxed; shoulders sagged, expression passive, peeing on a stack of 411 books.
I looked at him for what felt like an entire tense minute (on my side at least) and he just shrugs, like this is an everyday encounter. So then I turn around and quickly walk inside the building because I was anxious to get upstairs and the lobby was vacant. Also, the man was most likely coming. He comes. We get in the same elevator, just the two of us, with a thick cloak of awkwardness since he was most definitely embarrassed. He presses the 14th floor.
Hmm,
That's my floor, and that was gross.